Different Partners, Identical Endings: What That Actually Tells You About the Variable That Matters
By Momar Lissa Ndiaye ("MLN"), Founder & CEO, weyoga Inc.
There's a specific, disorienting experience many people eventually have: multiple relationships, with genuinely different people — different personalities, different backgrounds, different values, even — that nonetheless end the same way, on roughly the same timeline, over roughly the same issue. The most common response is to conclude something is wrong with one's taste in partners. The data actually points somewhere more precise.
If the partner varies and the outcome doesn't, basic reasoning about variables says the partner isn't the primary driver of the outcome. Something constant across all those relationships is doing the work — and the only constant across every one of a person's relationships is that person's own contribution to the pattern: their defaults, their triggers, their responses under specific conditions.
This is uncomfortable to sit with, because it's much easier to audit a series of partners than to audit oneself. But it's also, properly understood, the more useful conclusion, because it converts an unsolvable problem — finding a fundamentally different type of person, indefinitely, by trial and error — into a solvable one: identifying and changing the constant.
Identical endings across different partners are not evidence of bad luck repeating. They're closer to a controlled experiment, accidentally run, whose result has been sitting there the whole time, waiting for someone to actually read it as data rather than as a string of separate misfortunes.
Part of The Recognition Layer →
Momar Lissa Ndiaye ("MLN") is the Founder & CEO of weyoga Inc., a Delaware company. — weyoga.ai · mln@weyoga.ai