There's a Meaningful Difference Between "We Do This Sometimes" and Knowing Exactly When It Starts. Only One of Those Is Useful.
By Momar Lissa Ndiaye ("MLN"), Founder & CEO, weyoga Inc.
Almost every couple with a recurring pattern can describe it in general terms — "we do this sometimes," "this happens when we're both tired," "it's kind of our thing." This kind of vague acknowledgment feels like awareness, and functions almost nothing like it, because it doesn't specify the one detail that actually matters: the precise point where the pattern reliably starts.
"Sometimes" describes a pattern's existence without describing its structure — it can't be anticipated, interrupted, or tested against, because it has no identifiable entry point. "It starts exactly here, every time" is a completely different kind of statement: specific enough to watch for, specific enough to catch in progress, specific enough to eventually intervene on before it runs its full course.
Getting from the first kind of statement to the second isn't a matter of trying harder to be aware. It's a matter of actually reviewing enough instances, closely enough, to find the specific, repeatable starting condition — a different and much more concrete task than general vigilance.
"We do this sometimes" is where most couples' self-awareness stops, and it's exactly where the useful version of self-awareness actually begins.
Part of The Recognition Layer →
Momar Lissa Ndiaye ("MLN") is the Founder & CEO of weyoga Inc., a Delaware company. — weyoga.ai · mln@weyoga.ai